I’m a stickler for ownership and am not shy about shoving victim talk around a little bit. Phrases like, “it makes me feel so….” and “this is driving me crazy!” scream, “I AM NOT IN CHARGE OF MY FEELINGS. I HAVE PUT THEM ON A PLATTER AND HANDED THEM OVER TO SOMEONE/THING ELSE THAT IS TOTALLY OUT OF MY CONTROL AND THEREFORE MY FEELINGS ARE NO LONGER IN MY CONTROL!”
And that, quite frankly, feels horrible. Disempowered. Hopeless. A hotbed of resentment, expectation, and anger.
That said -- there can be a lot of resistance when I push back on this, when I gently remind you that all of those feelings you think you’re being "MADE" to feel (and who wants to be MADE to do anything?) are actually coming from within you. Those sensations of anger within your body were not PUT there by your whining employee or missed appointment. They are the sister sensations of the angry THINKING you have about it all.
I know. Totally annoying to accept that it’s all you.
BUT -- there is such a profound gift in this because what this means --- (lean in) -- is that every feeling of love, joy, contentment, centeredness, calm and inner-peace you’ve ever felt are ALSO from within. The are YOURS. Not gifted to you from anyone or anything in your life.
They are, in fact, the feelings you were BORN with. Your birthright. Your default state. Always present, resting calming within you and lifting up their ready heads to sing as your thinking settles and you give them space to shine more brightly through.
So yes. Own the feelings. Own all of ‘em.
(PSST ... Liked this letter and want more inspiration like this delivered to your inbox weekly? Sign up for my Weekly Letters series below and go from Overwhelmed to Centered without stressing you out!)